Leveling With Yourself

Pretend for a moment that you can give it all you got and all your love toward your highest self in the achievement of a dream. Then all that can happen is that you will succeed.  Do you believe and trust yourself to make it happen? Can and will you go all in and make a single-minded decision to do all you can do to make your outcomes happen? 

Yet, all you can hear is the complaints of all the hassle that get you to stop. You get down on your knees sobbing over spilled milk that you just can’t do it. Depression hurts your soul. Anxiety and fears get you down. It can be debilitating and reeks of mental exhaustion. 

Hear yourself blaming and getting angry over every little mistake. Your internal voices inside your head are just white noise of pure hell. This is what Virginia Satir in her book The New People Making refers to as the blamer. This person gets angry and upset at others and himself when he cannot level with his situation. 

The biggest learning point you can get out of this article now is that if you are more self-aware of your patterns and strategies that get you to stop doing your dreams, you can correct what is wrong in a safe and calm mood. 

If you don’t know what is wrong, you are chasing a delusion of fears and differences.   We all have patterns in dealing with the stress of finances, relationships, parenting, or work. When you as a person communicate your desire for an outcome, are you congruent or incongruent towards what you want? 

Incongruent is when all your actions don’t match what you want. You need to be more in rapport with your goals. There is a mismatch between what you want and what you’re doing to just get it by doing it. Here are 4 communication stands a person does to be incongruent. 


The People Pleaser 

This person overpleases and over-promises what they can do or not. Their personal and business boundaries are not always appropriate. Their heart is on their sleeves, and they get defensive about almost everything about themselves. Placating or always agreeing to whatever you want is okay with me. I am just here to make you happy. People please so that someone doesn’t get mad at you.

They are not good at confrontation and would rather hide in a white lie of promising something they cannot do than defend their positions.  These types of people that people please for years or decades can lead to psychosomatic symptoms such as stomach or Intestinal issues, back or headache pain, and often getting sick with the common cold.  


The Blamer  

This person gets upset and angry. Blame other people. Become the blamer, fault finder, a boss who acts superior with the attitude of I’m your boss around here.


The Computer 

The computer deals with the problem by being logical and using intellectualism. The need is to be very correct, very reasonable, and show no emotions.


The Distractor 

The Distractor ignores the threat and acts like “I’m off somewhere else”. The distracter does and says what is irreverent and jumps off-topic.


Leveling and Congruence 

When your self-esteem is high, you can communicate your needs in a direct, clear, specific, and honest way. Your rules are more flexible, human, appropriate, and subject to change. Your approach to life is more open and more hopeful where it is based on your freedom of choice. This is referred to as leveling. These concepts are in Virginia Satir’s book entitled The New People Making.

Leveling is a way to respond to others in situations where your words match the facial expressions. It’s about being easy, free, and honest in your expressions toward people. All messages toward others are going in the same direction. It’s clear and concise.

When you are leveling, you can apologize when you did something wrong, you didn’t intend to do—saying sorry for the act of the deeds. It’s an evaluating act where you are not blaming the person. If you say, “I love you”, your voice is warm and loving. Your face shines with love. If you say “I am mad at you,” your voice is harsh and your face tight. Your message is direct, concise, and clear.

Leveling is when you accept what is and find another way around it. 

Leveling is when….

“Whatever you look and sound, whatever you say and do, whatever you think and feel at the given moment in time is you.” Virginia Satir

At this moment in time, this is authentically you and represents where you are at the moment at that time. It is just a moment of time of that hassle where you have all the resources and knowledge at moments.  This moment is a small part of you. All the small parts of failure get you to grow up. It’s about learning to do something different that gets you there closer to your dreams. 

Review what is useful and what is not useful. Throw out the unuseful values, beliefs, and attitudes. 

You can see, hear, think, say, and do what makes sense around the world around you. You can see how things in your life will improve when you have it. 

Start building an image of yourself succeeding. Start building a movie of what you see, hear, and feel when you have it to build that motivation and obsessive desire to have it all. 

You have the tools and resources to master your dreams. You can be close to people and respect their view of the world. You can keep your positive attitude and outlook for what you want. You are allowed to dream big and achieve your dreams. 

You can express all your feelings in a way that is safe and secure, and your face and all your nonverbal communication will match exactly what you feel. You level with you. You are you. And you are okay. You are just you and you can go ahead now and just become an action world of success. 

How Leveling Helps You Reach Goals and Deal with Reality

Leveling is a transformative tool, especially when we’re navigating personal milestones like weight loss or quitting smoking. When our self-esteem is bolstered by leveling, we can candidly engage with our true motivations, challenges, and feelings. For example, someone on a weight loss journey might express, “I think part of the reason I’m holding onto this weight is that I don’t completely believe I deserve to feel better or be happier.” With their tone and expression mirroring this genuine sentiment, they’re better positioned to confront and work through the emotion, rather than suppressing it.

In the same vein, someone attempting to quit smoking with the aid of leveling might voice, “Stress pushes me toward cigarettes.” By recognizing and genuinely communicating this trigger, they can begin to identify alternative, healthier stress relievers. By always staying genuine and leveling both with oneself and with those in one’s circle — be it family, friends, or support groups — the path to achieving these important life objectives becomes clearer and more grounded. This alignment between inner feelings and outward expression ensures that our journey towards these goals is genuine, heartfelt, and anchored in our current truth.